Krusty Cheapskates (May 15, 2018)
Synopsis[]
- Mr.Krabs rallies up an army of all cheapskates alike in Bikini Bottom to protest at the bank after they were refused their monthly loans.
Characters[]
Eugene H. Krabs
Squidward Tentacles
Spongebob Squarepants
League of Cheapskates
- Dwight T. Wad
- Huford BargainBottom
- Fancy McGee
- Old Man Crab
Quincy (teller)
Fat Al (assistant teller)
Phone Operator (voice only)
Patrick Star (mentioned)
Grim Reaper (mentioned)
Bikini Bottomites
Old Man Jenkins
Huford's “Twin”
Police Officers
Madame Greenbacks
Angry Ship Passenger
The Story[]
The story begins at the Krusty Krab. An enraged Mr.Krabs storms out of his office in a heated rage.
MR.KRABS: I AM SO MAD!!!
Squidward is awakened from one of his daily naps & Spongebob stops his mopping for a second.
SQUIDWARD: Wait, since when did I care about your feelings?
Squidward proceeds to the bathroom to go and ignore everybody.
SPONGEBOB: What's wrong Mr.K?
MR.KRABS: Bankers boyo! Those good for nothing evil pieces of filth and trash!
SPONGEBOB: Why are you viewing bankers this way?
MR.KRABS: I made a deal with the Bikini Bottom Bank 20 years ago to be given monthly loans of transacted money so I wouldn’t have to worry about business fraud!
SPONGEBOB: And?
MR.KRABS: THEY CANCELLED IT! I now cannot get any more money thanks to those despicable dirtbags!
Mr.Krabs crushes a cup full of coke as an angry outburst. He then takes a seat to gather his thoughts & breath.
SPONGEBOB: Well what are you going to do Mr.K?
MR.KRABS: I don’t know boyo. The Krusty Krab is in a heap of trouble if these transacted loans stay cancelled! I don’t even have the help of others to turn this around!
Mr.Krabs then stops suddenly.
SPONGEBOB: Mr.Krabs? Are you having another one of those things you call “strokes” again?
MR.KRABS: No… not at all…… perhaps I may have some help after all. Stay here & man the helm Spongebob. I got some business to attend to.
The scene cuts to Mr.Krabs inside a fancy looking ballroom full of other crustaceans. Instead of dancing with people, these crustaceans dance with wads of money. They are the League of Cheapskates from “Kracked Krabs.” Mr.Krabs himself sits at a table with the four superiors of the League. Dwight T. Wad, Huford BargainBottom, Fancy McGee & the oldest superior: Old Man Crab.
MR.KRABS: I have summoned all of ye to discuss a common enemy.
DWIGHT: Politicians?
MCGEE: Millennials?
OLD MAN: Death?
Huford's question is just a “simple” grunt.
MR.KRABS: No! Worse! Bankers!
The entire league including the superiors pause in shock at this atrocious word. Huford begins making several angry grunts until Old Man manages to calm him down.
DWIGHT: I hate those frauds so much!
MCGEE: They stole my money since I refused to spend any of it!
OLD MAN: They even took my retirement! Now I’m clinically dead according to my doctors!
Huford grunts.
MR.KRABS: And you want to know what else?! They took away my loans & now I’m forced to spend my remaining cash!
The League screams in horror. Old Man drops dead to the floor. McGee however revives him due to having some medical experience & CPR training.
Huford grunts once more at this revelation.
DWIGHT: Murderers!
MCGEE: They cannot get away with this!
Huford does a grunt in agreement with his two colleagues.
MR.KRABS: So I have a plan to deal with these villains!
OLD MAN: Kill them?
MR.KRABS: No! We’re cheapskates! We have to avoid prison! Not encourage it! I say we protest!
DWIGHT: Protest?
MR.KRABS: Yes protest! Scare these corporate junk with enough threats to give us back our money so we can continue hoarding it and stealing others from children's pockets!
The league cheers in unison while Huford does a “cheering grunt.”
MR.KRABS: To the bank!
EVERYBODY ELSE: To the bank!
Huford grunts.
At the bank, the lead teller named Quincy enters a room where his assistant teller, named Al, a fat nerdy man with glasses, game style clothing & a work area sloppier than Squidward's, greets him. He sounds like a previous “Al with a toy story” we have seen before.
AL: Hello Quincy!
QUINCY(grumpily): Hello… Al.
AL: You mind making this quick? I got better things to do than talk to you! Like eating donuts & developing iPad games!
QUINCY: You are a bank teller! Not a game developer! Get back to your assigned station as well instead of your sloppy desk.
AL: Nah, too cramped!
QUINCY: Grrr! As I was about to say, I need your help! The league is after us!
AL: The League of Legends? I was the assistant developer on that game!
QUINCY: NO! The League of Cheapskates!
AL: Oh. Those old businessmen?
QUINCY: Yes!
AL: Pfft… what can those pathetic old men do? Aren’t they like 80?
Mr.Krabs is right outside and overhears.
MR.KRABS: I’m 75!
Quincy & Al look out their window to see Mr.Krabs, the League Superiors & the other angry cheapskates ready to protest.
AL: They don’t look all that tough!
Huford gets out a suitcase full of sharp weapons as well as a “just cleaned” harpoon. He grunts.
AL: AAAAAAHHHH!!
Al hides under his trashy desk & shivers in fear. Quincy opens the window to try and reason with Mr.Krabs.
QUINCY: Listen Krabs. We cancelled your loans for one reason and one reason only! You never paid us back!
MR.KRABS: Liar! Our deal specifically stated that I get loans of transactions so I won’t have to worry about fraud! But I see you are nothing but a fraud yourself!
QUINCY: That is the most idiotic statement I had ever heard! Loans are supposed to be paid back in full! Not to be free presents to mansions & sports cars!
MCGEE: And to never spend! Don’t forget to never spend!
QUINCY: I’m sorry Krabs but… you are not getting those loans back!
DWIGHT: Oh yeah! Is that what you think Mr. Tough Guy?
QUINCY: I used to be a bodybuilder mind you!
MCGEE (mocking Quincy's stick figure looking appearance): That was 20 pounds soaking wet?
OLD MAN: Agghghghgh!
QUINCY: I’m warning you! Don’t get testy!
MR.KRABS: Testy!
QUINCY: I’m going to call the cops!
DWIGHT: But I’m on parole!
AL (still hidden): Me too!
Quincy shuts the window and picks up his telephone.
QUINCY: That's it! 911 it is!
Al comes out of hiding.
AL: Are you sure this is the right idea Q?
QUINCY: They are threatening us Albert! They need to be taken care of!
Quincy gets a connection.
OPERATOR: 911, what's your emergency? Unless if your name is Squidward Tentacles. We do not want to hear another one of your sissy fits about that pink starfish.
QUINCY: This is Quincy the bank teller! Get me the cops Operator! We got unheard of protesters!
Mr.Krabs & the League begin thinking of a new plan since threats are not working.
MR.KRABS: Any other ideas gents?
OLD MAN: I still got that scythe I stole from the Grim Reaper during my 65th near death experience.
MR.KRABS: We are not killing them!
DWIGHT: Then what do we do Eugene?!
Mr.Krabs pulls out paper.
MR.KRABS: We use propaganda!
Mr.Krabs walks up to one of the Bikini Bottom citizens.
MR.KRABS: The bank plans to cancel ye credit card!
Dwight walks up to some elderly citizens.
DWIGHT: The bank wants to take away your retirement money!
McGee talks to some other citizens.
MCGEE: Those evil tellers will call the IRS to audit you!
Huford grunts to another citizen who grunts.
Quincy gets a knock at his door.
AL: What if it is that old grunting creep?!
QUINCY: Zip it Albert!
He opens it to find the cops there.
COP: What seems to be the issue Quincy?
QUINCY: I already told you! There is this mass league of old krusty businessmen that are all mad just because, they have lost their loan privileges!
AL (crying in fear): And there is this old creep that can only grunt and carries several medieval weaponry!
QUINCY: Zip it Albert!
The cop & Quincy look outside to see nothing at first. The cop chuckles.
COP: It seems you have been worrying about nothing lad!
QUINCY: What?! But they were just there! And I’m 50 years old! That's not a little lad!
COP: Listen Quincy, we are the Bikini Bottom Police Force, we don’t have time for shenanigans.
QUINCY: But cops!
The police leave frustrated thinking that they were sent on a wild goose chase.
AL: How inconceivable are they?! Right Quincy?!
QUINCY: Zip it Albert! What am I going to do?! I am fearing for my life!
AL: Um Q, I know you said “Zip it,” but I think you should see this.
QUINCY: See what?
The two tellers look out the window to see that Mr.Krabs & the league have returned with several other angry citizens.
QUINCY: Oh homina homina homina..
Quincy then hears crackling & chewing. He turns to see Al snacking on a bag of potato chips.
AL: What? I get hungry when I’m nervous!
Quincy opens his window and is greeted by Mr.Krabs again.
MR.KRABS (sarcastically) : I see your attempts in calling the Cops went well!
QUINCY: Listen Mr.Krabs. This is a place of business! Like your Krusty Krab place! Listen! We can make a deal! So nobody has to get hurt!
OLD MAN JENKINS: Hurt?! You refused to cover my medical insurance! This is personal!
QUINCY: No offense Old Man Jenkins, but aren’t you like on the brink of death anyways?
OLD MAN JENKINS: You’re probably right.
QUINCY: Anyways, can we make a deal? Please! I beg of you!
DWIGHT: What's in it for us?! These citizens and my partners are not playing!
The angry citizens hold up sporks which they sharpen with their teeth into forks.
AL: Not the forks! Noooo!!
Al goes into hiding again.
QUINCY: I can give you each $25 interest! We can even put your businesses under Union protection as well!
MR.KRABS: $25?! What do you think we are?! Poor! $150!
QUINCY: $30!
DWIGHT: $145!
QUINCY: $40!
MCGEE: $135!
QUINCY: $45!
OLD MAN: $130!
Huford grunts & holds up a sign that says $125.
QUINCY: $46?
MR.KRABS: $125! $125! & $125!
QUINCY: But?
AL: Just give them the stupid $125 already! I need to live & develop my next video game!
QUINCY: Urrghh! Fine! $125 it is! Now go home all of you!
Quincy shuts his windows and breathes a sigh of relief.
The scene jumps to the Krusty Krab. Business is all good again. Mr.Krabs had gained $125 & Union protection has been put into place. He discusses his victory with Spongebob.
MR.KRABS: I may have not gotten me loan privileges back. But I can settle for second best!
SPONGEBOB: Hooray for!…… uh what now?
MR.KRABS: Capitalism!
SPONGEBOB: Oh…. oh yeah! That word!
Spongebob laughs but Mr.Krabs doesn’t find it a funny joke.
SPONGEBOB: I’ll get back to my station.
Dwight T. Wad and his supermarket business is going well. He talks with his wife and co-manager, Madame Greenbacks.
DWIGHT: Dwighty Boy succeeds again my love! Expect tons and tons of hoarding!
GREENBACKS: Oh I so cannot wait to kiss the money & tuck it into blankets!
Dwight looks a bit disturbed.
DWIGHT: Perhaps that is a little too much.
Old Man Crab & Fancy McGee's shipping business is going fine. They finish an argument with an angry passenger.
PASSENGER: Are you sure this boat won’t sink?!
MCGEE: Right you are! Built from the finest crustaceans around!
OLD MAN: And full of amazing champagne!
PASSENGER: Alright….. but if this thing sinks beneath my feet! I am getting my refunds!
This passenger boards the RMS Cheapy. The ship sets sail very well at first. Until it strikes a coral reef and immediately capsizes. Numerous screams are heard inside before the boat explodes. Old Man Crab & McGee look on with shock.
MCGEE: It capsized and exploded…….. but it didn’t sink!
OLD MAN: I am glad we are so honest!
The two men high five, put up a “No Refunds” sign and walk away.
Huford finishes overcharging a clarinet to a dissatisfied customer.
CUSTOMER: Hey! This clarinet was supposed to cost $25! Not $150! And its made of toilet paper!
The clarinet collapses into yucky wet toilet paper.
Huford grunts in response before snapping his fingers.
CUSTOMER: Why are you snapping?
Huford grunts with other league members that can only make this noise. Along with snapping, they surround the customer.
CUSTOMER: No! Nooo! You old creeps!
AL: That's what I said!
Fat Al is shown looking through the window having bought a toilet paper chandelier. He runs away.
Mr.Krabs leans back in success back at the Krusty Krab.
MR.KRABS: All's well that ends well! Ay Spongebob?
SPONGEBOB: I would say so….. but Mr.Krabs? What are you going to do about the bathroom? Squidward clogged & broke the toilet again.
Mr.Krabs looks stunned & loose change falls out of his pockets. He realizes that he must pay for a plumber now.
MR.KRABS: Oh barnacles….