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Squidward's House
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Last sold:
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On January 17, 1989 to Squidward Tentacles
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Type of house:
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Easter Island Head
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Annual income:
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$505 per month
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Acres:
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449 yds
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# of floors:
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3
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Built:
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1978
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Area of Bikini Bottom:
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Rural Bikini Bottom
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Squidward's house is a three-story house located in between an orange pineapple and a brown rock on the rural Conch Street of Bikini Bottom. The house is 37 years old (it was built in 1978) and houses two organisms: Squidward Tentacles and his pet snail, Snelie.
Construction history[]
Plans were made in the Summer of 1977 to build an Eastern Island Head sculpture next to a rock that would later house Patrick Star in the 90's. When 1978 came, the workers messed up and although angry at first, the foreman came up wirh a great idea to transform their plan into Plan B : Make a house. After getting permission to do so from City Hall, they made it so and the house was finally finished in November 1978 taking almost a year to build. Squidward Tentacles (only 13 years old at the time) showed nice interest in the house and wanted it to be his dream house after High School.
Squidward buys the house![]
On Christmas Eve, 1988, Squidward (now 23 years old) contacted City Hall through his flip-phone to put a down-payment onto the Eastern Island Head which was most recently(well at that time) vacated by a 50 year old sea-bear who farted and burped all the time. After some hesitation, city hall accepted but demanded $505 for the house, on New Years Day 1989, Squidward finally saved up enough money (well actually stole a lot) from Mr.Krabs's safe, he has been working at The Krusty Krab since he was 19 years old in 1984 and pickpoketing some money from his music mates from his disco band, Squidward Rock. Squidward finally moved in with his then wife, now ex-wife, Carmella and his eldest daughter, Alma.
Modern-day[]
Squidward has been living in this residence for 26 years and started off with Carmella, Alma and a few years later, his son's Michael and Squidward JR and youngest daughter, Maria. After 1999 passed when his eldest daughter kicked the bucket due to cancer and then getting divorced from Carmella in 2000 and his son's and other daughter moving out after High School. Squidward was alone with no one except his pet snail, Snelie for many years and still today.
House layout (inside)[]
The house has three floors according to what we have seen on the show :
First floor[]
Living Room ~ In the front side of the house, it has a love sofa, recliner, huge box TV, an old 1994 radio with music records from the 70's, 80's and 90's, some even made by Squidward himself! He also has many imported plants from Jamaica in this room.
Kitchen ~ In the back side of the house, it has a stove, diamond cabinets, sink, back window refrigerator, dishwasher, counters, microwave, table, basically anything the average Kitchen of a house has and a chandlier dangling from the ceiling. From 1997-2011, Squidward had a priceless glass sculpture collection on the counters from his old band, Squidward Rock until they were destroyed accidentally by SpongeBob in "Bubble Buddy Returns" when he was trying to retrieve Shiny Bubble. Squidward put flowers in the back as a replacement so it will not look boring.
Second floor[]
Bedroom ~ There is only one bedroom in the house which Squidward sleeps in with his clarinet, Clary and formerly his ex-wife. His kids sleeped in what is now the gallery on the third floor and Snelie sleeped downstairs or sometimes in his library. Squidward's bedroom has many wardrobes, a bed that is styled like the 1920s with a red master blanket and purple pillows. He also has two diamond lamps and used to have a small box TV from the 70's which he later threw in the garbage when it stopped working. He also hid his old uniform from Squidward Rock in a shoe box under the bed that is hidden from the show.
Bathroom ~ This is where Squidward focuses on his hygene. There is a toilet which Squidward clogs up frequently with his... you know ... "brown squirts" and a shower he bathes in every day but is made fun of by Patrick Star everyday with Patrick saying he only bathes twice a year even though Patrick actually only bathes twice a year! He also has a more modern radio unlike the one downstairs which he listens to public radio on surrounded by candles made from Plankton's ear wax. There is also a mirror which Squidward cuts his nosehairs at every Friday night unless if he is working The Graveyard Shift. The reasons why the bathroom walls are red are actually not paint! It is the result of dried blood Squidward excreted all over the place from severe beatings from Carmella when he messed with her.
Library ~ This is where Squidward reads for a few minutes then falls asleep since all the novels he has are boring but were once exciting when Squidward was new to them. There is also a kinda fancy light that he actually bought at an auction in 2004 for only $20 and sculptures lf his head surrounding the entrance/exit. There are also many bookcases!
Back Room ~ Nothing much here except for cobwebs made by sea-spiders from Patrick's house and old broken appliances. Squidward blocked it up by installing and drilling a cage into the door since there is nothing exciting here.
Third floor[]
Gallery ~ This is where Squidward's magic happens! Or as he likes to refer it as. Squidward's dream life exists here and no where else by having his clarinet reside here and formerly his kids he doesn't see often since they are out of state. He also makes lots of self-portraits here that actually are good but the cityfolk of Bikini Bottom are too stupid to realize it and like Kindergarten style art instead, :|. Anyways, the walls are olive green. Squidward also used to have a neon sign shaped like his head dangling all the way from the ceiling until it malfunctioned one day and he was forced to dismantle it to prevent it from setting fire to the house. He also likes to come up here to have quiet time to himself when he is so angry that he doesn't even want to be in Snelie's presence. He also has 498 self-portraits arranged like a bank of televisions you would see in a window in a major city in this part of the house.
Crime rate[]
Squidward has had his fair share of crime at the house.
SpongeBob and Patrick broke into the house without permission several times throughout the show and even made the house implode once but due to cartoon logic, was absolutely fine the next episode. SpongeBob, as said earlier, also broke his priceless glass sculptures despite being an accident. Patrick stole his cottage cheese once and some other foods and SpongeBob also stole a self-portrait secretly in 1999 which he hung up in the hallway leading to his own Library in his Pineapple home. If you look closely in "Something Smells" when SpongeBob is distressed by thinking he was ugly, Patrick walked through this hallway and almost halfway through, a faint picture of Squidward frowning was seen and it looked like it was painted since Squidward was slightly irregularly shaped. Why would SpongeBob have this assumed painting since he does not practice art a lot and although not confirmed which I should've mentioned earlier, that picture must've belonged to Squidward at one point and SpongeBob stole it so he can have one form of Squidward in his own house. Hmmmm.
His house was also robbed on January 19, 1989 while he was at work which was only Squidward's third day of living at 122 Conch St.
House layout (outside)[]
Front yard - Has another recliner, umbrella, another small walkie talkie shaped radio and a table which Squidward is commonly at in the Summer months. He also has wooden planks leading up to his front door that are very old and have been there even before he moved in!
Back yard - He has a third recliner here but Snelie usually relaxes here and Squidward in only one occasion. He watched Patrick get a brain concussion by smashing his rock house on his head and off-screen also getting a Wii-U bonked on his head thrown underwater by some psycho in North Carolina. Squidward most likely has the backyard's purpose to serve him A plus comedy. He also used to have a shed back here and a fake lawn until he destroyed both when he wasn't getting what he needed.
The exterior of the house - The house has a brown front door resembling a mouth, two windows resembling eyes, a big pillar resembling the nose bigger than Squidward's nose and two smaller pillars on each side resmbling ears. Basically, the construction workers based this house off not only inspiration from a Hawaiian tiki but also a fish face and assumingly a human face.
The roof - Nothing much here except a FOURTH RECLINER! YET EVEN ANOTHER RADIO! and sunglasses kept in a shoe box. He only relaxed up here once also in "Something Smells" hearing SpongeBob call himself ugly with motivation by Patrick. He was never seen up here again ever since.
Class classification[]
Squidward and his house are categorized as upper middle class since Squidward is not fancy BUT does have a modest living environment with many recliners and radios. Squidward is just below his arch-rival Squilliam who is upper upper class, yes, I wrote upper twice, I mean't that! And above SpongeBob who is Middle Middle class and Patrick who is low middle class.